An example of using the OARS successfully while talking with your teen:
Parent: “Driving by yourself” was an important milestone for both of us and your citation was unexpected, so I’m glad you’re willing to talk about this teen driving project with me. What do you think about the kinds of things the project asks us to do together?
Teen: What do you mean?
Parent: I mean the part where we talk about safe driving and the events that will be recorded by the device in your car.
Teen: I don’t know…I mean I know how to drive….I was doing fine until I got pulled over. I really don’t need you telling me what to do all the time.
Parent: You feel like you can drive alone and reviewing some of the rules of the road with me is a waste of time.
Teen: Yeah – we don’t even have the time to eat together let alone talk about driving all the time.
Parent: So even if you felt like talking about your driving is worthwhile, we don’t have the time to do that among all the other things we have going on. (pause) Keeping in mind that your safety is so important to me, how do you think I should be involved in your driving?
Teen: I don’t know…what I do know is that I don’t want you giving me orders and telling me everything I do wrong.
Parent: You’d like us to be more equals and if we are going to be partners in this project I need to make sure I listen to you and consider your opinions. Maybe you can let me know when you feel I’m being critical of you.
Teen: Okay, I guess we can try doing that driving program. I really want to keep my license.
Parent: I’m pleased you want to take driving seriously. That way you’ll get more independence and I won’t worry as much.
