Here is an example of a conversation between a parent and teen without using the OARS technique.
Parent: Driving by yourself was an important milestone for both of us and your citation was unexpected, so I’m glad you’re willing to talk about this teen driving project with me. What do you think about the kinds of things the project asks us to do together?
Teen: What do you mean?
Parent: I mean, the part where we talk about safe driving.
Teen: I don’t know…I mean I know how to drive….Not only did I just finish Driver’s Ed but I have the fastest time of all my friends in “Need for Speed Underground”. I’ve unlocked all the cars. I really don’t need you telling me what to do all the time.
Parent: So you can play video games, but it’s just not the same thing. You know when you crash in a game, it’s no big deal. Do you have any idea what’s involved even in a minor accident? I have 30 years of experience that I would really like to share with you.
Teen: Yeah, and how is that going to happen…we don’t even have the time to eat together let alone do all that talking.
Parent: Your safety is really important to me — I’ll find the time. How about if I make a special effort to leave work by 5? That way I’ll have time to go home, start dinner, pick you up from basketball, and spend some time together.
Teen: I don’t know…what I do know is that I don’t want you giving me orders and telling me everything I do wrong.
Parent: Here’s the thing…you need to prove to me that you can do the things the program recommends if you expect the freedom to drive alone.
Teen: Alright, alright whatever it takes for me to keep my license.
Parent: Okay and how about a little attitude adjustment? You might just find you can learn something!
