Working through the guide in Steering Teens Safe won’t do much good if you don’t communicate well with your teen. Here are some tips:
Understand Teen’s Perspective
- Ask opened ended questions
- Tell me what you think just happened
- How are you feeling about _________ right now?
- Reflect (summarize) teen’s viewpoint without judgment.
Focus on an Objective Behavior
- Identify the behavior in question.
- Limit description to what happened – nothing more.
- Note your tone of voice. Avoid the slightest hint of a moral opinion.
Express your Emotional Response
- Share the emotion you experienced as a result of this behavior.
- Avoid trap of talking about “your anger” since it is already an emotion directed towards your teen and evokes defensiveness.
- Instead, talk from your perspective (i.e. “I felt hurt” or “I was scared”).
Share a need or hope you have that you would like your teen to recognize.
